The Dating Game - God's plan?

Way back in November ’09 I wrote a blog post about why Christians should not date non-Christians. http://sisterdawn.blogspot.com/2009/11/dating-game.html Lots of people had thoughts, comments and questions which I did say I would respond to but never got round to it. I apologise. I’ve since had many conversations with people about this issue and the same thoughts, comments and questions came up so I thought it really was time I started thinking about those questions and how to answer them.  

One thought that several people had was, “Maybe God has planned for you to date a non-Christian so that you can introduce Him to the Christian Faith.”

As a teacher I have rules in my classroom, you know, the usual classroom rules, be kind to one another, don’t leave the classroom without permission, no swinging on chairs and so on. They are there to help protect the children, get the most out of school and help them have an enjoyable experience in the classroom. As the teacher I know what is best for the children in my care and know how they will be happy in my classroom. Now the rules I set in my classroom are for all the children. I never say, “Joe you have to be kind to Simon. But Jane you don’t have to be. If you want to be unkind to Simon, that’s fine.” The rules are the same for all children in my class. 

What I’m trying to illustrate, although it’s not a perfect illustration, is that God knows what’s best for his people in his world. He knows, so he tells us how best to live in the Bible. Rules, commands, instructions, call them what you will, but they are written down so that we will know how to live. Take for example one instruction....God says, “You must speak truthfully...” (Ephesians 4 v 25, The Bible). God is a God who does not lie (Titus 1 v 2) and he wants people to speak the truth. God knows the impact lying has and he knows that it is not good so he tells us not to lie, rather speak truthfully. He doesn’t say to one Christian – You must not lie. But to another – You can lie. It’s not one rule for one, and one rule for another. So in the same way when God says to his people do not date non-Christians, (definition being – people who do not love and trust Jesus as Lord), then that applies to all Christians.

The bigger question that we perhaps need to ask ourselves is this: Do we trust that God knows best for our life? Do I trust that God knows best for my life? So when I read God’s instructions and commands if I trust that God knows best for my life then I will obey him, even when I don’t understand or agree. When I disobey God then I am basically saying – God I know better than you over this issue. I might say, “Of course I trust God”, but how I act shows whether I really trust Him or not.

But what happens when someone says, “But I’ve prayed about this and God has said it’s okay for me to date this person”. What happens when I think, “I’ve prayed about this and I feel at peace dating this non Christian  so God must be okay with it otherwise he’d have made it clear.”

Let’s come away from this issue for a moment and let me ask you...what would you say to someone who says, “God has said it’s okay for me to murder my neighbour”. Surely we’d say something along the lines of you must have got it wrong because God does not allow murder and God does not contradict himself, so he wouldn’t say it’s okay for you to murder someone. And hopefully we’d say it in a loving and gentle way!

So our response to the above, “But I’ve prayed about this and God has said it’s okay for me to date this person,” should be the same. In a loving and gentle way we need to help our Christian brother or sister see that God wouldn’t say it’s okay to do something that he has said not to do.  

Two problems with this are firstly I think that often when people say, “God has said to me...” I find it hard to come back at that as God is the ultimate authority. If God has said something then who am I to argue with that?!!! But we need to remember that if God has said something in His word then that’s what he wants people to do.  He doesn’t say one thing in the Bible, His word, but then says to some individuals the opposite thing.  We need to say very gently and lovingly, “I think you have heard this wrong because....” But we need to say it.

And secondly in our culture, and I’m not quite sure how to put this, we don’t like people telling us what to do, we don’t think people have any right to correct us or rebuke us, we have the attitude, “Who do they think they are.” And I know that’s true because I often have that attitude!!!  BUT as Christians we are told to help each other to grow in godliness, to become more like our perfect example, Jesus, and that will involve encouraging one another, supporting one another, helping one another, caring for one another, loving one another and at times, rebuking one another. It says in Galatians 6 v 1, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently”. As Christians, out of love for our brother or sister and out of obedience for the Lord, we have to gently rebuke a friend if they are doing something that is not pleasing to God.

Another thing that might be helpful is to look at what it says in 2 Timothy 4 v 3. It says, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather round them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.”  Note the words – “Instead to suit their own desires people gather around them people who say what their itching ears want to hear.”

When Brad Pitt moves to Liverpool (after his divorce to Angelina, of course) and we bump into each other as we walk along the road and he falls immediately in love with me and gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him I think there would be a moment in my head when I would want all my friends to say to me, “Do it Dawn. Marry him. Don’t worry about the fact that he’s not a Christian. You’ll be able to tell him about Jesus. After all God wants us to share the gospel with others”. There would be a moment when I would want all my friends to tell me it’s okay to marry Brad Pitt because for years I have thought he is lovely. It’s a very silly example but hopefully you see my point.  As far as I know Brad doesn’t love and trust Jesus as his Saviour. Therefore I should not marry him. But......it’s Brad Pitt!!!!

When we want something, when we desire something, then we will listen to those who say what we want to hear. And I think when someone desires to be married and a kind, funny, genuine, nice guy comes along, who seems great in every way the only thing is that he’s not a Christian, then they start to look for those around who will find ways to justify that relationship. And all Christians do this but with different areas of life. I remember a time when a Christian really upset me, one friend told me to just ignore her and don’t bother speaking to her again. Then another friend pointed out what God wanted me to do, “Do not let the sun go down on an argument” (Ephesians 4 v 26). The right thing for me to do was to sort it out. BUT deep down, if I’m honest, I wanted to take the first bit of advice, just ignore her and don’t bother speaking to her again. It was what my itching ears wanted to hear.

I am 100% certain that if I was to update my Facebook status tomorrow to tell you that I’d met a lovely man, who apart from not being a Christian, ticked all the ‘other boxes’ there would be loads of people who would be pleased for me. Who would tell me how great it was that I was dating someone. Who would say that I’d have an opportunity to take him to church and he’d hear about Jesus. And so on. There will always be those people.

We need to make sure we have those friends in our life who will not just tell us what our itching ears want to hear, but will care enough about us to say those hard things to us that our ears don’t want to hear.

Back to the original thought, “Maybe God has planned for you to date a non-Christian so that you can introduce Him to the Christian Faith.” Remember you can always introduce someone to the Christian Faith without dating them......

My new home...

It was confirmed today that I got the flat. References and checks all okay. I pick up the keys on 23rd August but move in properly the week after. Thanking God for his provision :-)

A new season

Well I finished my job on Wednesday which was a mad day. Spent it visiting lots of people from church to deliver things. There are a few jobs that I planned to do and wanted to do before I finished but never did. And it's not because I took it easy these past few weeks either...there was so much to do.

So come 5:30 on Wed I headed to the Forsythes for my tea and once I'd handed Devi and Grace the stuff they needed I was finished. It was good to be there as it gave me that definite cut off, otherwise I think I would have carried on working well into the night. It felt like a load had been lifted.

Yesterday I went to Keswick with Grace. She'd been there last week helping on the Abide team, which I also did last year. We had a great day. Spent most of it in Costa catching up with lots of lovely people. Then an unexpected tea meeting with Mel was fab. The evening meeting in the main tent was really challenging. It was all about mission. A guy who I'd heard speak years ago on warrior camp was being interviewed. He is a missionary in a really tough country in Africa. A country where not only are there the practical challenges but where it's dangerous to be a Christian. He shared last night how he'd prayed when he was 25, something along the lines of, "Wherever you want me to go Lord, I'll go, whatever you want me to do, I'll do." And God showed him very clearly where he was meant to go. I think the challenge is, am I willing to pray that prayer? I have one life. How can I be the most useful to God? I am going to re-read John Piper's book, 'Don't waste your life' to help me just think through that challenge.....

Today I had all good intentions of blitzing the house. It's needed to be done for weeks but just been too busy to do it. However, I was just too tired. I think all what's gone on over the past couple of months is now catching up with me. Maybe tomorrow....

The end of an era...

A new home?

This is the place where I could be living next year :-) I put in an application form and providing my references come back okay, which I can't see why they wouldn't, then I'll be moving in here at the end of August. I looked at lots of places all over Tamworth. Bex came with me, although her criteria of what was needed was different to mine. She wanted me to put my furniture in storage for the year just so I could rent a furnished place which had a pretty stream at the back!!! :-)

Let me give you a little guided tour...it's a 2nd floor flat on a new road of houses & apartments and has nice views.

This is the kitchen! Small and compact, but everything looks new which is good as I can't stand grotty kitchens. Will be very happy to cook fajitas and brownies in here.

This is the living room. At first I was unsure about the feature wall and red carpet, but the more I was there the more I thought, "I like this!"

The bathroom. Often in flats bathrooms are not on an outside wall so don't have a window. As you can see this is not the case with this one! Clean and simple. Nice.

The owner has continued the feature wall theme in the main bedroom. 'Behind me' are floor to ceiling fitted wardrobes - with plenty of storage. This room also has a little shower en-suite which I love :-)

The spare room has a wardrobe already in it. There is a single bed, desk, filing cabinet and bookcase to fit in here. Might need to do some measuring!

So all being well I will pick up the keys at the end of August :-)

An amazing picture

Last night at Club 10:10 we were looking at the parable of the lost sons, although we only looked at the younger son (Luke 15 v 11 - 24).

The younger son rebelled against his father and left home. After a while when he'd spent all his inheritance and began to be in need he decided to return home. He thought he'd go home, tell his father he had sinned and become a servant. After all, he didn't deserve anything from his father. And so he set off back home. When he was far off his father saw him and ran to meet him. The son said, "Father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."

Now what would you expect at this point? The son had got it badly wrong. Maybe you'd expect the father to say, "Son, you made a big mistake. You really hurt me leaving like that. Don't do it again. But I'll forgive you this time". You might even expect the father to say something along the lines of, "Well, son, you've had your chance and blew it. You don't deserve anything from me."

But what does the father do...'But while he (the son) was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him, he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him'.

Last night M, one of our boys, and Pete, our ministry trainee, were acting out the story. As I narrated Pete, as the younger son, started walking towards M, his father. When I got to the bit, 'his father saw him...' M literally sprinted towards him, leapt down a couple of steps and jumped onto Pete, flinging his arms around Pete's neck. It just summed up the amazing picture of the way God forgives people when they come back to him. No lectures, no grudges, no half heartedness. Total forgiveness. M's acting was an amazing picture of the amazing way our Father deals with us.

Update...

The past few weeks have been really busy but lots of fun. I spent half term with 55 kids (8-11 year olds) and a bunch of leaders at the Quinta centre for 5 days. "Quinta Investigates" was the theme....investigating the evidence for the resurrection. Did Jesus really rise from the dead? And what difference does that make? I love being involved in camps. They are hard work, but so, so worth it. Quinta is going to split next year to allow more kids to come - it books up really quickly and there wasn't enough places this year (or in previous years) to meet the demand. So whilst I'm on the subject...let me ask you...what are you up to next May half term? Are you able to give 5 days to help on camp? If you have some time, love Jesus and want to tell kids about him then get in touch.

We arrived home from Quinta at midday on the Friday, then it was a quick turn around before heading off to Conwy for our church weekend away.

Fantastic teaching on Luke 15 - 18 and good times getting to know church family better. Sunday morning is always really busy and I find although you speak to people you don't really have the time to get to know them. On a weekend away, you have plenty of time...over meals, when sitting in the garden, playing tennis, playing games and so on. Am already looking forward to the next one!

This weekend I headed down to Oxford for Foremarke 3's camp training weekend. Until this weekend summer camp isn't really on my radar. But after spending time with other leaders thinking about the teaching, the theme, activities and praying through all aspects of camp, camp is in now definitely in my thinking and I am looking forward to it. I was particulary challenged on the weekend about praying for camp. Epaphras 'wrestled' in prayer for the Colossians (Col 4:12). I need to do the same for those coming to camp.

Not much development on the plans for September. I am going to Tamworth next week to look at a few flats. Taking Bex with me - although I'm not sure her criteria and mine are the same!!! :-) Looking forward to being close to friends that are still living in Tamworth and B'ham area.

In the process of starting to pack up things here. I've got a whole load of stuff to take up to church, I'm cataloguing things so that people know what resources are available. It's a big job! I finish at church in just over 5 weeks time. A very wise friend of mine advised finishing at the end of July so I that I would be 'free' over August. I wondered about this for a while as although having the time off would be great, I had to weigh that up against not being paid for a month, but in the end I made the decision to just go for it. At first I wasn't that convinced that I'd need that time, but now I am so thankful that I will have finished by August. I'll go to camp, help with a holiday club and use the rest of the time to catch up with friends, read (I have sooooo many books that I've bought over the past few years but never got round to reading), relax and 'get ready' for the next season of my life.

I've also started to take a few things over to my parents. As I'm only going to be in Tamworth for a year (the job is to cover a maternity post) then it's not worth taking everything with me. I'll be back at my parents at weekends anyway so if I need anything it won't be too difficult to get to.

Emotionally I've got mixed feelings about leaving. I know I'm doing the right thing. And I am excited about going back into the classroom. I have a complete peace that this is the right school. (This was the only school outside of the North West that I applied to and I asked God to shut the door if it wasn't where He wanted me. He didn't shut the door, so although the whole living away during the week might not sound ideal, God thinks it's a good idea.) I found out today which year group I will definitely be having and know the classroom I am going into is the one I spent a week in back in April. However, I am sad too. I did my last whole school assembly in one of my schools last week. I'll miss doing them. Over the next few weeks as clubs / groups come to an end there will be more goodbyes. It's also a bit strange as the church are looking for someone to replace me. I know that is right for them to do and am praying that God will bring the right person along but it just feels a bit 'weird'. I remember when the head told me they'd appointed someone to take over my teaching job when I was leaving to go to Oak Hill - I cried! What I do know though is despite how I'm feeling about things I can trust God for the next step :-)

Well should sign off now. Sunrise is meant to be at 4:58 a.m. tomorrow - I anticipate being awake not long after!

News...

Well, it's been a while and a lot has happened over the past few weeks....

On the 9th May I handed in my notice at church. It was a hard decision, one that I angonished over and prayed about for a long time. Basically whilst I really enjoy doing the 'hands on' stuff with the kids, I don't like working on my own (we're a big staff team, there's 5 of us, but we all work from home as our church building has no space for offices). It got to the point where I was struggling in work and feeling very miserable and I knew something had to be done. I wrote my resignation letter and handed it to my boss with great sadness.

As I was thinking about handing in my notice, I wondered what I would do next. The two options seemed to be get another children's worker's job in a church or go back to teaching.

Changing jobs is quite a stressful and uncertain time so to change jobs and change church families would be too much. And as I am sad about stopping doing my job I wanted, and knew I'd need, the support of my church family around. Also I think I need a bit of 'time out' from full time paid ministry to get 'refreshed', re-energised and restore my confidence to do this work.

But going back to teaching wouldn't be easy. I have been out of the classroom for 7 years. I thought initially that I could just do supply, but the main supply agency on the Wirral and Liverpool said they wouldn't take me on as I'd been out of the classroom for more than 6 years. As I looked around at job vacancies on the Wirral, Liverpool, Cheshire etc there were lots about but also lots of competition. I went to have a look around a couple of schools and both heads said that they'd had interest from over 30 applicants!

The day after I handed in my notice I went on holiday to Devon with Bex. This was perfect timing. On holiday I took some time to think things through. I took with me some of my old journals and as I read through them I was reminded of God's goodness to his people and how he has complete control over all things. He has always looked after me, and things have always worked out for me. I needed to tell myself that God had it sorted. And whilst in my head my plan would be a teaching job for September, if that wasn't God's plan then I could trust that God really does know best for me etc.

I filled in a few job applications. As the deadlines passed and I wasn't shortlisted for interviews I told myself, "This is not rejection, this is just God's plan". (I remember when I was first looking for a job, I went for nine interviews. In my last interview the head teacher asked me how many schools I'd had interviews for so I told him. Then he said, "What do you think you're doing wrong?" "I don't know!" came back my reply! He then offered me the job and it was such the right school for me. Lovely staff, great kids, a really nice ethos and I had four very happy years there. God knew the best school for me at that time, the previous 9 schools were not the right ones for me whether I was terrible or perfect in the interview!)

A temporary job came up in my friend's school in Tamworth (I used to teach in a school a few miles away). Should I apply or not? Working in Tamworth would involve lots of practical changes. I submitted an application 10 days ago and asked that God who can part the red sea would shut this door clearly if it wasn't a wise decision. My main concern was my parents. But my mum said two things....Firstly she never wanted me to move away when I was 18, given the choice she'd want me living in Liverpool and secondly, this might be God's plan for your life.

On Tuesday I was called for an interview. And yesterday I went for it. I had to teach a short numeracy activity then have a formal interview. As I drove down I thought I just need to be myself. So despite wearing a suit (which is not me) and heeled shoes (I much prefer flip flops) I just got on with teaching it, ignoring who was observing me. Then I had my interview. After which I went and sat in my friend's class until they'd made a decision feeling at peace that I'd taught as I would normally, answered honestly and could do no more.

The head came and got me and I was offered the job :-) He said I interviewed really well as they were tough questions, and that I was just the sort of person they were looking for to fit into the school.

I am thankful to God for making it all very clear. As I walked around the school I had the same good feeling that I had when I first went around the school where I used to teach. And if I was in any doubt that it wasn't God's plan and maybe I got the job because my friend works there, she said after I told her what had happened in the interview, that she'd not been involved in the process (apart from praying!) and that the head simply wouldn't have taken me if I wasn't the right person.

I am also thankful to God for the timing of this provision of a job. Now I can finish my work here at church without the worry and stress of 'what next?'

So now I have 9 weeks left to handover, sort out the practical arrangements of where to live (plan is to work away during the week, and be back in the north for weekends and school holidays), move house (boys - you know you'll be needed to shift furniture), sort out my old teaching resources and practise speaking slowly so that they can understand my accent!!!

Happy days :-)

The Dating Game to be continued...

Just wanted to say I will respond to those who had thoughts, comments and questions on the post below. This week has been a bit manic with one thing and another. But I haven't forgotten and promise I will update soon :-)

The Dating Game

Last week I updated my Facebook status referring to a bit of a bizarre experience during my trip to Asda. I met a man whilst doing my shopping who I got chatting to. Later in the car park he came up to me and asked if he could take me out for a meal. Basically I said no for a few reasons. Firstly I think it’s a bit unwise to go out with someone who I don’t know anything about. But there are ways around this issue. Secondly, and more importantly, I wouldn’t date a non Christian and from our conversation it was clear that he wasn’t a Christian. This status update led to a whole host of comments and questions from friends on FB and on the phone!!! So a few days ago I thought I’d take some time to explain why I wouldn’t and shouldn’t date someone who’s not a Christian and post it on here.

So here’s the situation:

I am 33 years old and single.
I would like to date someone and eventually get married.
Some days I am very happy and content being single.
Some days being single makes me a little sad.
I have wonderful friends who love me and care for me and want to see me happily married. And I love them for that.
I am a born again Christian. I love the Lord, I know He loves me and I want to live my life to please Him.

Why then if I would like to be with someone wouldn’t I go out with someone who’s shown an interest in me just because he’s not a Christian? Why wouldn’t I date someone who’s not a Christian?

Well the short answer is basically this: God says I shouldn’t.

Really? Let me explain....

In the Old Testament part of the Bible (the bit before Jesus was born as a baby) God’s people, the Israelites, lived amongst other nations who didn’t love God. They worshipped other gods instead. And God was clear that his people should not marry people from these other nations. They should not marry those who didn’t love Him.

A little later on (in the New Testament part of the Bible) Paul* writes to believers in the church in Corinth and says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers”. What does that mean? Well a yoke is a curved wooden bar that fits cross the necks of two animals used to pull a plough or wagon. If you yoke together a fast, nimble calf with a tall, slower ox then there would be trouble. Check me out and my farming knowledge! :-) So basically if you are going to have two animals to work together then it makes sense that they are the same ‘type’...

The same principle can be applied to lots of other things including marriage. A believer (Christian) and an unbeliever will have different perspectives on life and how to live it and often these are complete opposites of each other. So if you ‘yoke’ together a believer and an unbeliever (in dating and marriage) there will be trouble. So Paul says to believers don’t be yoked with them. That’s not to say that believers can’t be friends with each other etc but when it comes to being so closely joined as two people who are married are, then make sure it’s with someone who’s pulling in the same direction as you.

* Paul was a Christian who went around different places and told people about Jesus. He then wrote to believers in those places to encourage them to keep following God and helping them with issues that were going on in those churches.

Which surely makes sense?

Marriage, I’m sure, is hard enough at times without the added hassle of disagreeing over important issues. If two people are dating and then marry it’s important that there is agreement on fundamental issues such as at what point of the relationship is it okay to sleep with each other, is there a head of the house, how to raise children, what are your priorities as a family, how to manage finances and so on.

If I met someone who thinks you should go out on Saturday nights whilst I think you should stay in and watch Strictly Come Dancing that can be sorted. I’ll record it and watch it when we come in. If I met someone who hates the thought of visiting America, I can always go and visit Janette on my own and he can go off on a golfing holiday or something. If I met someone who thinks that Christmas trees should be put up the week before Christmas and not before....well, hopefully he’d come round to my way of thinking!!! :-) But these are not fundamental issues like those mentioned above. And seriously at the end of the day, if I had to wait to put my tree up then I would. I would be happy to compromise on these not so important issues.

If I was married I’d want to be able to talk to my husband about God, pray with him, read the Bible together and grapple with what it says, go to church together, serve on camp, and be an encouragement and support to each other in whatever ministries God would have us do. How could I have that sort of relationship with someone who wasn’t a Christian? Would I really be happy if the person I was married to didn’t want to do these things?

I suppose at this point you might think, and I know that this has been said to me....but Dawn we’re not talking marriage, just a date. Fair point. But let me ask you, what’s the point of dating? The point of dating is – look here is someone that I could possibly marry. You might not marry them. And obviously when you start dating someone you don’t know whether you are going to get married, but you need to know enough about them to think, “Hey, here’s someone I like, we get on, we have similar interests....potentially...”

Friends have said to me...if you date someone who’s not a Christian then he might start going to church. Then he’ll hear about Jesus and he might become a Christian. And that does happen. Of course it does. And if he doesn’t then you can just end the relationship – really? Is it that easy? But it often doesn't happen.

I don’t know if you know this about me but I really can’t see the point of the game golf. I can’t see the point of hitting a ball towards a little hole that you can’t even see and then hiking miles after it. But if I met someone who loved golf and I liked him I’d go and watch him play. I’d even hike after the ball with him. I might even try and hit one myself. I would listen attentively to him if he felt the need to explain the technicalities of the game of golf to me. I really would. But as soon as I was sure we were past that ‘initial stage’ of the relationship and he really did like me regardless of whether I showed an interest in golf or not then I know I wouldn’t be spending my Saturdays on a golf course. And if he started to go on about golf I’d just have to shush him! Basically once I’d “got him” I wouldn’t pretend to be interested in something that I’m not. And if I’m honest I’d probably want to persuade him to spend a couple of Saturdays with me instead of playing golf.

Now it might be that I am converted and start loving the game of golf. And it might be that if I started to date someone who wasn’t a Christian he’d become a Christian and genuniely want to go to church etc. Occasionally that happens.

But the bottom line is still this. God says don’t date / marry those who aren’t Christians. He doesn’t put exceptions in there...

Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if you’re over 30.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if you’re unhappy being single.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if he’s shown an interest.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if he said he’s happy for you to still be involved in church stuff.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if you’re committed to praying for him and encouraging him to go along to things where he’ll hear the good news of Jesus explained.

God says don’t date / marry a non Christian. That’s the bottom line.

But surely if you date someone who’s not a Christian and they become one that’s a good thing, God would be happy with that. Let me ask you...is it a good thing to give money to someone who has no food so they can buy something to eat? Of course it is. But is it a good thing to steal £10 from a shop so you can give them that money? No, of course it isn’t. God doesn’t want us to do the wrong thing and steal to do a good thing. The same principle can be applied to dating non Christians.

Well I’ve written for what seems like forever and I could say a lot more. But let me finish by saying this. Obeying God in this area is hard. On days when I go to friend’s weddings there are moments when despite being so happy for them I’m left wondering will it ever be my turn. I’d love to have children and when I hold friends’ babies I think will I ever meet someone who would want to have a family with me. And sometimes it’s just hard to be on your own and wonder if that’s how it’s always going to be. It’s not like I’ve not asked God for a husband. I have. I’ve asked God for a husband many times. And it’s hard. Maybe I’ll get married one day. Maybe I won’t. There’s no guarantee that God will bless me with a husband. And I don’t have any right to demand that God gives me one. That’s the reality.

So I am left with a couple of questions. Do I trust that God knows best? Do I trust God with this area of my life? If I answer yes to these questions then I have to obey God and not date someone who isn't a Christian. 

Always look on the bright side...

Well for any of you who are my friends on facebook and take note of status updates you will have noticed that this past week I've been suffering with horrendous toothache. Not a little ache. But pain that's been constant and enough to wake me up from sleep every half hour. This has meant I've not been able to concentrate on anything, have been miserable and am absolutely shattered but have I gained anything.....

1. I love diet coke. I probably drink at least one glass a day. And it probably would be fair to say that I am addicted to the caffeine in it. I've always said that one day I would ween myself off it as it can't be good for you. Well this week I've given it up. Just didn't want to drink fizzy stuff as I thought it would hurt more. When my mouth is better I'm sure I'll go back and drink it again but not in the sort of quantities I have done. Now that's a good thing :-)

2. Toothache is good for calorie consumption. As in I've hardly eaten anything. What I have eaten has been good food - no chocolate, no biscuits, no ice-cream, no crisps and so on. And because I'm so scared that this toothache will come back I think I have been put off sugary foods. I just don't want to have to see the dentist because I need a filling. Another good thing.

3. It's made me so thankful to God. He promises in the Bible that in the new creation ( that's when Jesus returns to earth and takes all those who love him to be with him forever) there will be no more pain (Revelation 21 v4), and that will be for all eternity. This last week although has at times felt like forever is just a drop in the ocean of all eternity. And I can enjoy all eternity because of what the Lord Jesus did for me. And that's the best thing ever.

So although horrendous at times there's always a bright side...sometimes you just have to look for it.

P.S. I'm still planning to marry a dentist :-)

Off down the M6...

Last Saturday I had to go to London for a camp meeting. I decided to make a weekend of it and see a few people en route...I stopped in Birmingham for tea with Bex. Couple of hours catching up in TGI Fridays was well worth the little detour off the M6.

Back on the M6 and off to London...I eventually got to the M25 after a diversion from the M1 due to a serious accident. As the accident was just ahead of me then the diversion signs weren't up so I just followed the lorries ahead of me thinking that they'd know where they were going. My map was in the boot so I had to ring Bex to check that I was on the right road - which thankfully I was. After that and then getting lost once I'd got into Dagenham then I've finally decided to invest in a sat nav...

I was reminded over the weekend how much I hate driving down south. No-one (well it feels like) indicates to pull into your lane. No-one thanks you when you let someone pull into your lane. And if you want to pull into someone else's lane then no-one lets you voluntarily!

I was also reminded of the parking issues in London. Lee & Fai live near a tube station so that meant searching for a road that did not require a parking permit. Eventually we found one and still unsure that it was fine to park there I took a photo to show that there was no sign to indicate otherwise.

It was lovely to see Lee & Fai and catch up with them, albeit far too short a time.

Then it was off to Oak Hill to see Grace who's just gone there. We had lunch in Miracles - a lovely cafe by Cockfosters tube station and then we headed into London to potter round and do some sightseeing.

Buckingham Palace was our first stop. Then off through St. James' Park...
Some pretty palace looking building that we could see from St. James Park

We stopped in horse guard's parade to watch what was going on as a crowd had already gathered. It has to be said it wasn't really that exciting, not London's top tourist attraction!

These horses stood around for a while...

...then out tropped this little lot. They stood around for a while.
The clock chimed 4 - what would happen next? We waited in anticipation.

This man came out. Inspected them and then marched away. All a bit random really!

After all that excitement (!) we decided we needed something a bit more sedate and went for a stroll by the Thames...

Walking across Westminister Bridge - Big Ben in the background...

Lots of street performers along the South Bank. These people freaked Grace out...I liked them. I have no idea who the kid is though - note Grace how young he is and not freaked out!!!

Then it was down to business and the reason why I'd travelled south...Foremarke 2010 only 10 months away :-)

Know who you're fighting against...

Have you ever watched the interaction between a young child and their parent when the little one doesn't want to do what he or she has been told to do? Who wins the battle? Well, usually it's the parent (I say usually because some parents do just give in!) It's time to go to bed but the child doesn't want to as they're playing with their toys so bursts into tears and throws a tantrum. What does the parent do? They pick up the child and carry them upstairs. Often the child will put up a fight - kicks and screams but they don't win.

I saw two dogs the other day in the park. Now because I'm scared of dogs I need to know exactly where they are so I can stay as far away as possible so kept a close eye on them. One was clearly annoying the other, bounding around him and I just thought, "How stupid are you! You are a little tiny rat of a dog, and that's a doberman. You are going to lose, and lose big time!" And sure enough the doberman who was very patient eventually snapped and chased after the little one followed by two frantic dog owners. I kept on moving...

How much more stupid it is when people think they can fight against the one who created the world and has total control of it. They ignore God, pretend he doesn't exist, take all the good things that he has given them for granted, mock him and mock those who love him and live their lives for him. And somehow expect to win!

Well an encouragement for those who are being mocked for their faith is that one day God will deal with those who mock Christians because of him. I think particulary of a Christian who is facing deportation back to a country where he will no doubt be tortured for his faith. I pray that he will stand firm, take hold of the promises that he has in Jesus - that sure and certain promise of an etnerity in heaven, and he will know that one day those fighting against God will be dealt with. Justice will be done.

You've got to know who you're fighting against because if you try and fight against God, you will lose.

About 20 years...

"A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17 v 17a

I won the animal game tonight. Granted I was playing it with 9 to 11 year olds but still... :-)

Back to the beginning...

Just finished prepping group time for holiday club tomorrow. I've got mostly year 2's in my group.
We're going right back to the beginning of time and looking at how the world was made. Now I don't really understand the arguments surrounding the big bang and evolution and when exactly the world was made. But what I do know is this..."In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth". What an awesome God we have. Looking forward to teaching this truth to the children tomorrow.

It's been a while...

Nearly 3 months in fact! Have had a manic few months...end of term, Abide @ Keswick, holiday club, mission week at church, work appraisal with boss, planning for camp, camp (!) and then a week's annual leave visiting various places across the country - photos of which are on facebook.

So it's back to work tomorrow and in one way I don't mind going back as I like my job but I also like being on holiday, who doesn't? Clubs / groups closed over the summer so will be re-starting in a couple of weeks time and then we'll be on the countdown to Christmas! :-) But first...helping out at another holiday club this week. Dave is the youth worker at the church down the road. He's helped at ours in Feb, so I'm returning the favour. 3rd holiday club I've been involved in this year but really nice not to have the responsibility of being in charge. We're time travelling - should be fun! :-)

That's all for now...might update later this week, if not I'll be back in 3 months time :-)

Sprouts everywhere!

After clearing a load of 'sprouts' last night I have come into my office this morning and I can see lots of them lurking all over my desk! Granted some have been hidden by well placed folders and other things, but they're still there - waiting to be dealt with :-(

Off to parent and toddler group now and so plan to tackle them this afternoon - rather than procrastinate and put off doing them for another day....

Sprout update...

Well I have eaten lots of sprouts tonight (see earlier post if confused)...

Sprout 1: Completing travel insurance claim - in envelope ready to be posted
Sprout 2: Sorting out bank statements
Sprout 3: Filing away other 'important' papers
Sprout 4: Buying wedding gifts online
Sprout 5: Unpacking suitcase from Quinta
Sprout 6: Moving bags of work stuff from hall up into office
Sprout 7: Putting away huge pile of laundry

Other sprouts: washing dishes, doing washing and changing from winter to summer quilt...

Not a bad evening after all.

Next time though...eat sprouts when they appear!

"You're not leaving the table until..."

I hate sprouts. Always have done. And I think probably fair to say always will do. Jazz them up anyway you want but they're still sprouts so I will not be convinced to eat them.

When I was younger my mum would often put one sprout on my plate and tell me to eat it. I'd complain, eat the rest of my dinner and stubbornly refuse to put the sprout in my mouth. But I was firmly told I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had. I'd strop some more and appeal to my dad, without any success. Then after a fair amount of time I came to realise that if I wanted to go back and play etc I just had to eat it. By this time it was cold making it even worse.

Looking back the most sensible thing would have been just to eat the wretched thing before anything else getting it over and done with. Then I could have enjoyed the rest of my food and left the table a lot earlier to go and play.

Why I am reliving my childhood nightmares? Good question! Well I think I can learn something from it...

I have just come in from work and the plan for this evening is to "catch up on stuff" - the list is long! The reason it's so long is because I have been putting things off and they're things which need to be done. On my dining room table I have piles of things that need to be sorted, some of which have been there for a few weeks now. The problem is every time I see them I'm like - "I need to deal with that" and they're just there - doin' my head in!!!

So tonight I'm going to see how much I can tackle. And in future I'm going to make it my motto to try and do those tedious jobs when they arise...a bit like eating the sprout first.

Books...

When I was younger I was always reading, and loved it. Mostly fiction - I read the Famous Five series over and over again. In my teenage years I started to read Christian missionary biographies after going on my first Christian camp with WEC international (mission organisation whose aim is to take the gospel to the unreached people groups in this world). These books really caught my attention. Here were people giving up homes, families and friends to go overseas and tell people about Jesus, having to learn new languages, cultures and adjusting to sometimes going without the basics. It was reading these books that made me think every Christian had to go to Africa to be a missionary! (I did go to Africa, to Senegal, when I was 19 for 5 weeks, if I was going to have to go for life then I'd better get used to it! Thankfully my assumptions were corrected!)

As I've got older I go through phases of reading books...Bex got me into reading fiction books again when we were on holiday one year. Basically I was sitting by the pool one day bored so she gave me a book to read. I think it was to keep me quiet! But it worked! Now though I can only pick up a fiction book if I know I have lots of time to read it as I get into them and don't want to put them down.

Over the past few years I've been introduced to some books at college that have really changed my thinking on things...
'God's Big Picture' - Vaughan Roberts
'No other God' - John Frame
'Why I'm not a Calvinist' - Jerry Walls & Joseph Dongell**
'Fruit that will last' - Tim Hawkins
'Shepherding a Child's Heart' - Ted Tripp
'Standing on the Promises' - Doug Wilson
'The Case for Classical Education' - Doug Wilson
'Teach them Diligently' - Lou Priolo

**For those of you who may be worried (!) I didn't agree with the arguments put forward in this book. But not agreeing with them help me work out what I did think.

I haven't read much since my days in college which I know is not a good thing. I don't put time aside in my work diary to read. I know I should as it will keep me fresh. And then when not in work to be honest I'd just rather put on the TV or watch a DVD - something a bit mindless.

However, I have recently come across a book that I think I will be adding to the list above. 'You Can Change' by Tim Chester. If you're a Christian reading this then I'm sure you will, like me, struggle with sin. Stuggle with those behaviours and attitudes that you know are not pleasing to our heavenly Father. I want to change. I want to be different. I want to be more like the Lord Jesus. I want to please the one who gave his life for me. I have tried. I have failed. I have tried again. I have given up trying maybe I'm never going to change in this area.

Well, in the introduction section Tim writes, "You may be a new Christian, struggling to change the habits of a former way of life. You may be an older Christian who feels as if you've plateaued: you grew quickly when you first believed, but now your Christian life is much of a muchness. You may be a Christian who's fallen into sin in a big way and you're wondering how you'll ever get back on track. You may be helping other Christians to grow and you can tell them how they should live, but you're not sure how to help them get there. This book is about hope. It's about the hope we have in Jesus...." (p.12)

As I read the above and started to read the 1st chapter 'What would you like to change?' I thought this book will help me. Not help me because Tim is God, but help me because what Tim has tried to do in his book is, "connect the truth about God with our Monday-morning struggles" (p.12).

I am, if I'm honest, a little bit nervous about reading it. Nervous because I know I am going to be challenged. I'll see how I get on, I might even blog about it a bit more...

I have no children of my own.

But God has blessed me with hundreds of Tranmere children every week. And that makes me smile :-)

Working for a church

Three posts in one day...I really need to speak to some people tomorrow!

Am coming up to the end of my three year contract at church and over the past few weeks have been reflecting on that time. Unlike a lot of people, before going to Bible College I'd never worked for a church before, yes I'd been involved in lots of aspects of church life but I'd never been part of the staff. And I've learnt a lot over these past few years!!!

Working for a church is very different to any other job I've had before - teaching, pharmacy assistant, plus other part time jobs in a supermarket, chemist and cafe.

And over these next few posts I will try and 'articulate' what I've learnt...for what it's worth.

The 1st thing I've really come to appreciate is this: My job has eternal consequences. Let me explain...I get to spend time with children and tell them the good news of Jesus - which is basically Jesus died on the cross taking the punishment for people's sin so that we can be forgiven by God and be friends with him.

This is huge because one day these children will meet their maker and God will punish sin. So on that day it won't matter whether these children have passed their SAT's tests or how far they have progressed up the career ladder or if they live in the most desirable area of town. What will matter is whether they are trusting in Jesus as their Saviour and Lord. And how does someone know what sin is, know that God will punish sin and know that Jesus has offered to take that punishment for sin, unless someone tells them?

Working for a church means that I have more hours to do the above.

But that does mean that when I am having a 'bad day' for whatever reason maybe I'm tired, or my mind's on something else, or I'm just really unproductive, then I feel guilty. Now I know that everyone has bad days in whatever job they do. When I was a teacher I used to have them quite often! But when I taught a particulary bad maths lesson or lost my temper with the kids then it never really played on my mind much. I'd evaluate and do things differently next time.

I know God is much bigger than me and is in control and so on. And I know that if I have a bad day and get something wrong, or don't do something well, then God is still in control. But I'm still learning how to deal with those feelings of guilt.

Does that make sense?

After a nice 'pj morning' watching cash in the attic and talking to Sarah, I went to Cheshire Oakes and had a potter round there. I picked up some holiday brochures for me and Bex. We've got a joint account (long story!) and we decided after we'd been to Majorca a few years ago that we'd save each month for our next holiday - which is what we've been doing. Not sure when we'll go or where but as the sun was shining it made me think of holidays so I picked up some brochures :-)
I then spent an hour and a bit in Borders, this was mostly due to Dave ringing me and me sitting on a comfy chair whilst talking to him. I like books! And I like the idea of reading lots of books, but I never seem to get round to it. I don't have a very long concentration span!
As it was such a nice day I didn't want to go straight home so went to Parkgate, which has the best ice cream shop on the Wirral. It would have been stupid not to have one!
I do love the Wirral. I love being by water so like the fact that the coast is on three sides. West Kirkby Marina is my favourite place on the whole Wirral, don't know why, it just is, if you've been to visit you'll have been taken there.
Now I've going to watch 'The Bourne Supremacy' and have a curry. I don't often spend my day off on my own, but today has been a good one.
Work tomorrow...

Days off...

I've been back from my 'vacation' for just over 2 weeks. I came back to some 'hassles' which needed to be dealt so this past fortnight hasn't been the best! Today though is a good day. Because today is my day off. Not really sure what to do. Haven't planned anything...might go off somewhere random - like Llandudno, could go for a walk somewhere nice or I might just have a pj day! Who knows!

On vacation...as the Americans would say!

Tuesday 3rd March arrived and at 6:30 a.m. I was all packed and ready for my lift to arrive to take me the airport. Chris arrived on time and I was fairly calm going to Machester and only checked that I had my passport and tickets three times.

The flight to Philadelphia was probably the best trans Atlantic flight I've ever had. I had the middle four seats to myself which meant I could stretch out. I watched 'Australia' and sobbed, 'The Dark Knight' and spend half of it behind my pillow and then 'Mamma Mia' and found myself singing along. It would not have been a pleasant trip for anyone sitting next to me!

Janette and Owen came to pick me up from the airport, and that's when my vacation really began and I started taking photos!

Owen loves 'The Wiggles' and 'Blues Clues' and would just sit cross legged glued to the tele! This was very helpful when I watched him whilst Janette had to go into work for a meeting and the carpet fitters were making a huge amount of noise in the basement which woke Owen from his afternoon nap!

Whilst Owen watched the tele I entertained Nathan...

We went to the Mall and Owen went on the train which he loved...

...but wasn't very happy when he was put back in the pram :-)

Nathan hanging out in his pack 'n' play...

Nathan sleeping...

and chillin'...
On our way back from the outlets...

Whilst I was there I went to Eddie's 5th birthday party (Janette's nephew). The party was at Eddie's grandparents house and all his aunts, uncles and cousins were there. It was absolutely crazy but a lot of fun!!! Owen had lots of fun playing out in the garden whilst I sat on one of those garden hammock swings with Nathan.

Whist we were there went for lots of walks which was a good job as we ate out a lot...

In Applebees...

In Cracker Barrel, which I think was my favourite!

I could eat pancakes and syrup for breakfast every morning...

...and then a Five Guys Burger for lunch!!!

Another photo of Nathan. And Owen helping trying to pick Nathan up which he wasn't too impressed about!

But didn't seem to mind Owen helping at bathtime.

Had a really great holiday, felt really relaxed and chilled. Loved seeing you guys, thanks for letting me come and stay :-) I'll be back to visit again soon....