The Dating Game to be continued...

Just wanted to say I will respond to those who had thoughts, comments and questions on the post below. This week has been a bit manic with one thing and another. But I haven't forgotten and promise I will update soon :-)

The Dating Game

Last week I updated my Facebook status referring to a bit of a bizarre experience during my trip to Asda. I met a man whilst doing my shopping who I got chatting to. Later in the car park he came up to me and asked if he could take me out for a meal. Basically I said no for a few reasons. Firstly I think it’s a bit unwise to go out with someone who I don’t know anything about. But there are ways around this issue. Secondly, and more importantly, I wouldn’t date a non Christian and from our conversation it was clear that he wasn’t a Christian. This status update led to a whole host of comments and questions from friends on FB and on the phone!!! So a few days ago I thought I’d take some time to explain why I wouldn’t and shouldn’t date someone who’s not a Christian and post it on here.

So here’s the situation:

I am 33 years old and single.
I would like to date someone and eventually get married.
Some days I am very happy and content being single.
Some days being single makes me a little sad.
I have wonderful friends who love me and care for me and want to see me happy. And I love them for that.
I am a born again Christian. I love the Lord, I know He loves me and I want to live my life to please Him.

Why then if I would like to be with someone wouldn’t I go out with someone who’s shown an interest in me just because he’s not a Christian? Why wouldn’t I date someone who’s not a Christian?

Well the short answer is basically this: God says I shouldn’t.

Really? Let me explain....

In the Old Testament part of the Bible (the bit before Jesus was born as a baby) God’s people, the Israelites, lived amongst other nations who didn’t love God. They worshipped other gods instead. And God was clear that his people should not marry people from these other nations. They should not marry those who didn’t love Him.

A little later on (in the New Testament part of the Bible) Paul* writes to believers in the church in Corinth and says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers”. What does that mean? Well a yoke is a curved wooden bar that fits cross the necks of two animals used to pull a plough or wagon. If you yoke together a fast, nimble calf with a tall, slower ox then there would be trouble. Check me out and my farming knowledge! :-) So basically if you are going to have two animals to work together then it makes sense that they are the same ‘type’...

The same principle can be applied to lots of other things including marriage. A believer (Christian) and an unbeliever will have different perspectives on life and how to live it and often these are complete opposites of each other. So if you ‘yoke’ together a believer and an unbeliever (in dating and marriage) there will be trouble. So Paul says to believers don’t be yoked with them. That’s not to say that believers can’t be friends with each other etc but when it comes to being so closely joined as two people who are married are, then make sure it’s with someone who’s pulling in the same direction as you.

* Paul was a Christian who went around different places and told people about Jesus. He then wrote to believers in those places to encourage them to keep following God and helping them with issues that were going on in those churches.

Which surely that makes sense?

Marriage, I’m sure, is hard enough at times without the added hassle of disagreeing over important issues. If two people are dating and then marry it’s important that there is agreement on fundamental issues such as at what point of the relationship is it okay to sleep with each other, is there a head of the house, how to raise children, what are your priorities as a family, how to manage finances and so on.

If I met someone who thinks you should go out on Saturday nights whilst I think you should stay in and watch Strictly Come Dancing that can be sorted. I’ll record it and watch it when we come in. If I met someone who hates the thought of visiting America, I can always go and visit Janette on my own and he can go off on a golfing holiday or something. If I met someone who thinks that Christmas trees should be put up the week before Christmas and not before....well, hopefully he’d come round to my way of thinking!!! :-) But these are not fundamental issues like those mentioned above. And seriously at the end of the day, if I had to wait to put my tree up then I would. I would be happy to compromise on these not so important issues.

And if I was married I’d want to pray with my husband, study the Bible with one another, go to church together, and camp, and be an encouragement to each other in whatever ministries God would have us do. How could I have that sort of relationship with someone who wasn’t a Christian? Would I really be happy if the person I was married to didn’t want to do these things?

I suppose at this point you might think, and I know that this has been said to me....but Dawn we’re not talking marriage, just a date. Fair point. But let me ask you, what’s the point of dating? The point of dating is – look here is someone that I could possibly marry. You might not marry them. And obviously when you start dating someone you don’t know whether you are going to get married, but you need to know enough about them to think, “Hey, here’s someone I like, we get on, we have similar interests....potentially...”

Friends have said to me...if you date someone who’s not a Christian then he might start going to church. Then he’ll hear about Jesus and he might become a Christian. And that does happen. Of course it does. And if he doesn’t then you can just end the relationship – really? Is it that easy?

I don’t know if you know this about me but I really can’t see the point of the game golf. I can’t see the point of hitting a ball towards a little hole that you can’t even see and then hiking miles after it. But if I met someone who loved golf and I liked him I’d go and watch him play. I’d even hike after the ball with him. I might even try and hit one myself. I would listen attentively to him if he felt the need to explain the technicalities of the game of golf to me. I really would. But as soon as I was sure we were past that ‘initial stage’ of the relationship and he really did like me regardless of whether I showed an interest in golf or not then I know I wouldn’t be spending my Saturdays on a golf course. And if he started to go on about golf I’d just have to shush him! Basically once I’d “got him” I wouldn’t pretend to be interested in something that I’m not. And if I’m honest I’d probably want to persuade him to spend a couple of Saturdays with me instead of playing golf.

Now it might be that I am converted and start loving the game of golf. And it might be that if I started to date someone who wasn’t a Christian he’d become a Christian. Occasionally that happens.

But the bottom line is still this. God says don’t date / marry those who aren’t Christians. He doesn’t put exceptions in there...

Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if you’re over 30.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if you’re unhappy being single.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if he’s shown an interest.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if he said he’s happy for you to still be involved in church stuff.
Don’t date / marry a non Christian except if you’re committed to praying for him and encouraging him to go along to things where he’ll hear the good news of Jesus explained.

God says don’t date / marry a non Christian. That’s the bottom line.

But surely if you date someone who’s not a Christian and they become one that’s a good thing, God would be happy with that. Let me ask you...is it a good thing to give money to someone who has no food so they can buy something to eat? Of course it is. But is it a good thing to steal £10 from a shop so you can give them that money? No, of course it isn’t. God doesn’t want us to do the wrong thing and steal to do a good thing. The same principle can be applied to dating non Christians.

Well I’ve written for what seems like forever and I could say a lot more. But let me finish by saying this. Obeying God in this area is hard. On days when I go to friend’s weddings there are moments when despite being so happy for them I’m left wondering will it ever be my turn. I’d love to have children and when I hold friends’ babies I think will I ever meet someone who would want to have a family with me. And sometimes it’s just hard to be on your own and wonder if that’s how it’s always going to be. It’s not like I’ve not asked God for a husband. I have. I’ve asked God for a husband many times. And it’s hard. Maybe I’ll get married one day. Maybe I won’t. There’s no guarantee that God will bless me with a husband. And I don’t have any right to demand that God gives me one. That’s the reality.

So I am left with a choice. Do I obey God or disobey Him?

Well I love God and I know no matter how hard it is at times I simply have to obey Him.

Always look on the bright side...

Well for any of you who are my friends on facebook and take note of status updates you will have noticed that this past week I've been suffering with horrendous toothache. Not a little ache. But pain that's been constant and enough to wake me up from sleep every half hour. This has meant I've not been able to concentrate on anything, have been miserable and am absolutely shattered but have I gained anything.....

1. I love diet coke. I probably drink at least one glass a day. And it probably would be fair to say that I am addicted to the caffeine in it. I've always said that one day I would ween myself off it as it can't be good for you. Well this week I've given it up. Just didn't want to drink fizzy stuff as I thought it would hurt more. When my mouth is better I'm sure I'll go back and drink it again but not in the sort of quantities I have done. Now that's a good thing :-)

2. Toothache is good for calorie consumption. As in I've hardly eaten anything. What I have eaten has been good food - no chocolate, no biscuits, no ice-cream, no crisps and so on. And because I'm so scared that this toothache will come back I think I have been put off sugary foods. I just don't want to have to see the dentist because I need a filling. Another good thing.

3. It's made me so thankful to God. He promises in the Bible that in the new creation ( that's when Jesus returns to earth and takes all those who love him to be with him forever) there will be no more pain (Revelation 21 v4), and that will be for all eternity. This last week although has at times felt like forever is just a drop in the ocean of all eternity. And I can enjoy all eternity because of what the Lord Jesus did for me. And that's the best thing ever.

So although horrendous at times there's always a bright side...sometimes you just have to look for it.

P.S. I'm still planning to marry a dentist :-)

Off down the M6...

Last Saturday I had to go to London for a camp meeting. I decided to make a weekend of it and see a few people en route...I stopped in Birmingham for tea with Bex. Couple of hours catching up in TGI Fridays was well worth the little detour off the M6.

Back on the M6 and off to London...I eventually got to the M25 after a diversion from the M1 due to a serious accident. As the accident was just ahead of me then the diversion signs weren't up so I just followed the lorries ahead of me thinking that they'd know where they were going. My map was in the boot so I had to ring Bex to check that I was on the right road - which thankfully I was. After that and then getting lost once I'd got into Dagenham then I've finally decided to invest in a sat nav...

I was reminded over the weekend how much I hate driving down south. No-one (well it feels like) indicates to pull into your lane. No-one thanks you when you let someone pull into your lane. And if you want to pull into someone else's lane then no-one lets you voluntarily!

I was also reminded of the parking issues in London. Lee & Fai live near a tube station so that meant searching for a road that did not require a parking permit. Eventually we found one and still unsure that it was fine to park there I took a photo to show that there was no sign to indicate otherwise.

It was lovely to see Lee & Fai and catch up with them, albeit far too short a time.

Then it was off to Oak Hill to see Grace who's just gone there. We had lunch in Miracles - a lovely cafe by Cockfosters tube station and then we headed into London to potter round and do some sightseeing.

Buckingham Palace was our first stop. Then off through St. James' Park...
Some pretty palace looking building that we could see from St. James Park

We stopped in horse guard's parade to watch what was going on as a crowd had already gathered. It has to be said it wasn't really that exciting, not London's top tourist attraction!

These horses stood around for a while...

...then out tropped this little lot. They stood around for a while.
The clock chimed 4 - what would happen next? We waited in anticipation.

This man came out. Inspected them and then marched away. All a bit random really!

After all that excitement (!) we decided we needed something a bit more sedate and went for a stroll by the Thames...

Walking across Westminister Bridge - Big Ben in the background...

Lots of street performers along the South Bank. These people freaked Grace out...I liked them. I have no idea who the kid is though - note Grace how young he is and not freaked out!!!

Then it was down to business and the reason why I'd travelled south...Foremarke 2010 only 10 months away :-)

Know who you're fighting against...

Have you ever watched the interaction between a young child and their parent when the little one doesn't want to do what he or she has been told to do? Who wins the battle? Well, usually it's the parent (I say usually because some parents do just give in!) It's time to go to bed but the child doesn't want to as they're playing with their toys so bursts into tears and throws a tantrum. What does the parent do? They pick up the child and carry them upstairs. Often the child will put up a fight - kicks and screams but they don't win.

I saw two dogs the other day in the park. Now because I'm scared of dogs I need to know exactly where they are so I can stay as far away as possible so kept a close eye on them. One was clearly annoying the other, bounding around him and I just thought, "How stupid are you! You are a little tiny rat of a dog, and that's a doberman. You are going to lose, and lose big time!" And sure enough the doberman who was very patient eventually snapped and chased after the little one followed by two frantic dog owners. I kept on moving...

How much more stupid it is when people think they can fight against the one who created the world and has total control of it. They ignore God, pretend he doesn't exist, take all the good things that he has given them for granted, mock him and mock those who love him and live their lives for him. And somehow expect to win!

Well an encouragement for those who are being mocked for their faith is that one day God will deal with those who mock Christians because of him. I think particulary of a Christian who is facing deportation back to a country where he will no doubt be tortured for his faith. I pray that he will stand firm, take hold of the promises that he has in Jesus - that sure and certain promise of an etnerity in heaven, and he will know that one day those fighting against God will be dealt with. Justice will be done.

You've got to know who you're fighting against because if you try and fight against God, you will lose.

About 20 years...

"A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17 v 17a

I won the animal game tonight. Granted I was playing it with 9 to 11 year olds but still... :-)

Back to the beginning...

Just finished prepping group time for holiday club tomorrow. I've got mostly year 2's in my group.
We're going right back to the beginning of time and looking at how the world was made. Now I don't really understand the arguments surrounding the big bang and evolution and when exactly the world was made. But what I do know is this..."In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth". What an awesome God we have. Looking forward to teaching this truth to the children tomorrow.

It's been a while...

Nearly 3 months in fact! Have had a manic few months...end of term, Abide @ Keswick, holiday club, mission week at church, work appraisal with boss, planning for camp, camp (!) and then a week's annual leave visiting various places across the country - photos of which are on facebook.

So it's back to work tomorrow and in one way I don't mind going back as I like my job but I also like being on holiday, who doesn't? Clubs / groups closed over the summer so will be re-starting in a couple of weeks time and then we'll be on the countdown to Christmas! :-) But first...helping out at another holiday club this week. Dave is the youth worker at the church down the road. He's helped at ours in Feb, so I'm returning the favour. 3rd holiday club I've been involved in this year but really nice not to have the responsibility of being in charge. We're time travelling - should be fun! :-)

That's all for now...might update later this week, if not I'll be back in 3 months time :-)

Sprouts everywhere!

After clearing a load of 'sprouts' last night I have come into my office this morning and I can see lots of them lurking all over my desk! Granted some have been hidden by well placed folders and other things, but they're still there - waiting to be dealt with :-(

Off to parent and toddler group now and so plan to tackle them this afternoon - rather than procrastinate and put off doing them for another day....

Sprout update...

Well I have eaten lots of sprouts tonight (see earlier post if confused)...

Sprout 1: Completing travel insurance claim - in envelope ready to be posted
Sprout 2: Sorting out bank statements
Sprout 3: Filing away other 'important' papers
Sprout 4: Buying wedding gifts online
Sprout 5: Unpacking suitcase from Quinta
Sprout 6: Moving bags of work stuff from hall up into office
Sprout 7: Putting away huge pile of laundry

Other sprouts: washing dishes, doing washing and changing from winter to summer quilt...

Not a bad evening after all.

Next time though...eat sprouts when they appear!

"You're not leaving the table until..."

I hate sprouts. Always have done. And I think probably fair to say always will do. Jazz them up anyway you want but they're still sprouts so I will not be convinced to eat them.

When I was younger my mum would often put one sprout on my plate and tell me to eat it. I'd complain, eat the rest of my dinner and stubbornly refuse to put the sprout in my mouth. But I was firmly told I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had. I'd strop some more and appeal to my dad, without any success. Then after a fair amount of time I came to realise that if I wanted to go back and play etc I just had to eat it. By this time it was cold making it even worse.

Looking back the most sensible thing would have been just to eat the wretched thing before anything else getting it over and done with. Then I could have enjoyed the rest of my food and left the table a lot earlier to go and play.

Why I am reliving my childhood nightmares? Good question! Well I think I can learn something from it...

I have just come in from work and the plan for this evening is to "catch up on stuff" - the list is long! The reason it's so long is because I have been putting things off and they're things which need to be done. On my dining room table I have piles of things that need to be sorted, some of which have been there for a few weeks now. The problem is every time I see them I'm like - "I need to deal with that" and they're just there - doin' my head in!!!

So tonight I'm going to see how much I can tackle. And in future I'm going to make it my motto to try and do those tedious jobs when they arise...a bit like eating the sprout first.

Books...

When I was younger I was always reading, and loved it. Mostly fiction - I read the Famous Five series over and over again. In my teenage years I started to read Christian missionary biographies after going on my first Christian camp with WEC international (mission organisation whose aim is to take the gospel to the unreached people groups in this world). These books really caught my attention. Here were people giving up homes, families and friends to go overseas and tell people about Jesus, having to learn new languages, cultures and adjusting to sometimes going without the basics. It was reading these books that made me think every Christian had to go to Africa to be a missionary! (I did go to Africa, to Senegal, when I was 19 for 5 weeks, if I was going to have to go for life then I'd better get used to it! Thankfully my assumptions were corrected!)

As I've got older I go through phases of reading books...Bex got me into reading fiction books again when we were on holiday one year. Basically I was sitting by the pool one day bored so she gave me a book to read. I think it was to keep me quiet! But it worked! Now though I can only pick up a fiction book if I know I have lots of time to read it as I get into them and don't want to put them down.

Over the past few years I've been introduced to some books at college that have really changed my thinking on things...
'God's Big Picture' - Vaughan Roberts
'No other God' - John Frame
'Why I'm not a Calvinist' - Jerry Walls & Joseph Dongell**
'Fruit that will last' - Tim Hawkins
'Shepherding a Child's Heart' - Ted Tripp
'Standing on the Promises' - Doug Wilson
'The Case for Classical Education' - Doug Wilson
'Teach them Diligently' - Lou Priolo

**For those of you who may be worried (!) I didn't agree with the arguments put forward in this book. But not agreeing with them help me work out what I did think.

I haven't read much since my days in college which I know is not a good thing. I don't put time aside in my work diary to read. I know I should as it will keep me fresh. And then when not in work to be honest I'd just rather put on the TV or watch a DVD - something a bit mindless.

However, I have recently come across a book that I think I will be adding to the list above. 'You Can Change' by Tim Chester. If you're a Christian reading this then I'm sure you will, like me, struggle with sin. Stuggle with those behaviours and attitudes that you know are not pleasing to our heavenly Father. I want to change. I want to be different. I want to be more like the Lord Jesus. I want to please the one who gave his life for me. I have tried. I have failed. I have tried again. I have given up trying maybe I'm never going to change in this area.

Well, in the introduction section Tim writes, "You may be a new Christian, struggling to change the habits of a former way of life. You may be an older Christian who feels as if you've plateaued: you grew quickly when you first believed, but now your Christian life is much of a muchness. You may be a Christian who's fallen into sin in a big way and you're wondering how you'll ever get back on track. You may be helping other Christians to grow and you can tell them how they should live, but you're not sure how to help them get there. This book is about hope. It's about the hope we have in Jesus...." (p.12)

As I read the above and started to read the 1st chapter 'What would you like to change?' I thought this book will help me. Not help me because Tim is God, but help me because what Tim has tried to do in his book is, "connect the truth about God with our Monday-morning struggles" (p.12).

I am, if I'm honest, a little bit nervous about reading it. Nervous because I know I am going to be challenged. I'll see how I get on, I might even blog about it a bit more...

I have no children of my own.

But God has blessed me with hundreds of Tranmere children every week. And that makes me smile :-)

Working for a church

Three posts in one day...I really need to speak to some people tomorrow!

Am coming up to the end of my three year contract at church and over the past few weeks have been reflecting on that time. Unlike a lot of people, before going to Bible College I'd never worked for a church before, yes I'd been involved in lots of aspects of church life but I'd never been part of the staff. And I've learnt a lot over these past few years!!!

Working for a church is very different to any other job I've had before - teaching, pharmacy assistant, plus other part time jobs in a supermarket, chemist and cafe.

And over these next few posts I will try and 'articulate' what I've learnt...for what it's worth.

The 1st thing I've really come to appreciate is this: My job has eternal consequences. Let me explain...I get to spend time with children and tell them the good news of Jesus - which is basically Jesus died on the cross taking the punishment for people's sin so that we can be forgiven by God and be friends with him.

This is huge because one day these children will meet their maker and God will punish sin. So on that day it won't matter whether these children have passed their SAT's tests or how far they have progressed up the career ladder or if they live in the most desirable area of town. What will matter is whether they are trusting in Jesus as their Saviour and Lord. And how does someone know what sin is, know that God will punish sin and know that Jesus has offered to take that punishment for sin, unless someone tells them?

Working for a church means that I have more hours to do the above.

But that does mean that when I am having a 'bad day' for whatever reason maybe I'm tired, or my mind's on something else, or I'm just really unproductive, then I feel guilty. Now I know that everyone has bad days in whatever job they do. When I was a teacher I used to have them quite often! But when I taught a particulary bad maths lesson or lost my temper with the kids then it never really played on my mind much. I'd evaluate and do things differently next time.

I know God is much bigger than me and is in control and so on. And I know that if I have a bad day and get something wrong, or don't do something well, then God is still in control. But I'm still learning how to deal with those feelings of guilt.

Does that make sense?

After a nice 'pj morning' watching cash in the attic and talking to Sarah, I went to Cheshire Oakes and had a potter round there. I picked up some holiday brochures for me and Bex. We've got a joint account (long story!) and we decided after we'd been to Majorca a few years ago that we'd save each month for our next holiday - which is what we've been doing. Not sure when we'll go or where but as the sun was shining it made me think of holidays so I picked up some brochures :-)
I then spent an hour and a bit in Borders, this was mostly due to Dave ringing me and me sitting on a comfy chair whilst talking to him. I like books! And I like the idea of reading lots of books, but I never seem to get round to it. I don't have a very long concentration span!
As it was such a nice day I didn't want to go straight home so went to Parkgate, which has the best ice cream shop on the Wirral. It would have been stupid not to have one!
I do love the Wirral. I love being by water so like the fact that the coast is on three sides. West Kirkby Marina is my favourite place on the whole Wirral, don't know why, it just is, if you've been to visit you'll have been taken there.
Now I've going to watch 'The Bourne Supremacy' and have a curry. I don't often spend my day off on my own, but today has been a good one.
Work tomorrow...

Days off...

I've been back from my 'vacation' for just over 2 weeks. I came back to some 'hassles' which needed to be dealt so this past fortnight hasn't been the best! Today though is a good day. Because today is my day off. Not really sure what to do. Haven't planned anything...might go off somewhere random - like Llandudno, could go for a walk somewhere nice or I might just have a pj day! Who knows!

On vacation...as the Americans would say!

Tuesday 3rd March arrived and at 6:30 a.m. I was all packed and ready for my lift to arrive to take me the airport. Chris arrived on time and I was fairly calm going to Machester and only checked that I had my passport and tickets three times.

The flight to Philadelphia was probably the best trans Atlantic flight I've ever had. I had the middle four seats to myself which meant I could stretch out. I watched 'Australia' and sobbed, 'The Dark Knight' and spend half of it behind my pillow and then 'Mamma Mia' and found myself singing along. It would not have been a pleasant trip for anyone sitting next to me!

Janette and Owen came to pick me up from the airport, and that's when my vacation really began and I started taking photos!

Owen loves 'The Wiggles' and 'Blues Clues' and would just sit cross legged glued to the tele! This was very helpful when I watched him whilst Janette had to go into work for a meeting and the carpet fitters were making a huge amount of noise in the basement which woke Owen from his afternoon nap!

Whilst Owen watched the tele I entertained Nathan...

We went to the Mall and Owen went on the train which he loved...

...but wasn't very happy when he was put back in the pram :-)

Nathan hanging out in his pack 'n' play...

Nathan sleeping...

and chillin'...
On our way back from the outlets...

Whilst I was there I went to Eddie's 5th birthday party (Janette's nephew). The party was at Eddie's grandparents house and all his aunts, uncles and cousins were there. It was absolutely crazy but a lot of fun!!! Owen had lots of fun playing out in the garden whilst I sat on one of those garden hammock swings with Nathan.

Whist we were there went for lots of walks which was a good job as we ate out a lot...

In Applebees...

In Cracker Barrel, which I think was my favourite!

I could eat pancakes and syrup for breakfast every morning...

...and then a Five Guys Burger for lunch!!!

Another photo of Nathan. And Owen helping trying to pick Nathan up which he wasn't too impressed about!

But didn't seem to mind Owen helping at bathtime.

Had a really great holiday, felt really relaxed and chilled. Loved seeing you guys, thanks for letting me come and stay :-) I'll be back to visit again soon....