The Dating Game - God's plan?

Way back in November ’09 I wrote a blog post about why Christians should not date non-Christians. http://sisterdawn.blogspot.com/2009/11/dating-game.html Lots of people had thoughts, comments and questions which I did say I would respond to but never got round to it. I apologise. I’ve since had many conversations with people about this issue and the same thoughts, comments and questions came up so I thought it really was time I started thinking about those questions and how to answer them.  

One thought that several people had was, “Maybe God has planned for you to date a non-Christian so that you can introduce Him to the Christian Faith.”

As a teacher I have rules in my classroom, you know, the usual classroom rules, be kind to one another, don’t leave the classroom without permission, no swinging on chairs and so on. They are there to help protect the children, get the most out of school and help them have an enjoyable experience in the classroom. As the teacher I know what is best for the children in my care and know how they will be happy in my classroom. Now the rules I set in my classroom are for all the children. I never say, “Joe you have to be kind to Simon. But Jane you don’t have to be. If you want to be unkind to Simon, that’s fine.” The rules are the same for all children in my class. 

What I’m trying to illustrate, although it’s not a perfect illustration, is that God knows what’s best for his people in his world. He knows, so he tells us how best to live in the Bible. Rules, commands, instructions, call them what you will, but they are written down so that we will know how to live. Take for example one instruction....God says, “You must speak truthfully...” (Ephesians 4 v 25, The Bible). God is a God who does not lie (Titus 1 v 2) and he wants people to speak the truth. God knows the impact lying has and he knows that it is not good so he tells us not to lie, rather speak truthfully. He doesn’t say to one Christian – You must not lie. But to another – You can lie. It’s not one rule for one, and one rule for another. So in the same way when God says to his people do not date non-Christians, (definition being – people who do not love and trust Jesus as Lord), then that applies to all Christians.

The bigger question that we perhaps need to ask ourselves is this: Do we trust that God knows best for our life? Do I trust that God knows best for my life? So when I read God’s instructions and commands if I trust that God knows best for my life then I will obey him, even when I don’t understand or agree. When I disobey God then I am basically saying – God I know better than you over this issue. I might say, “Of course I trust God”, but how I act shows whether I really trust Him or not.

But what happens when someone says, “But I’ve prayed about this and God has said it’s okay for me to date this person”. What happens when I think, “I’ve prayed about this and I feel at peace dating this non Christian  so God must be okay with it otherwise he’d have made it clear.”

Let’s come away from this issue for a moment and let me ask you...what would you say to someone who says, “God has said it’s okay for me to murder my neighbour”. Surely we’d say something along the lines of you must have got it wrong because God does not allow murder and God does not contradict himself, so he wouldn’t say it’s okay for you to murder someone. And hopefully we’d say it in a loving and gentle way!

So our response to the above, “But I’ve prayed about this and God has said it’s okay for me to date this person,” should be the same. In a loving and gentle way we need to help our Christian brother or sister see that God wouldn’t say it’s okay to do something that he has said not to do.  

Two problems with this are firstly I think that often when people say, “God has said to me...” I find it hard to come back at that as God is the ultimate authority. If God has said something then who am I to argue with that?!!! But we need to remember that if God has said something in His word then that’s what he wants people to do.  He doesn’t say one thing in the Bible, His word, but then says to some individuals the opposite thing.  We need to say very gently and lovingly, “I think you have heard this wrong because....” But we need to say it.

And secondly in our culture, and I’m not quite sure how to put this, we don’t like people telling us what to do, we don’t think people have any right to correct us or rebuke us, we have the attitude, “Who do they think they are.” And I know that’s true because I often have that attitude!!!  BUT as Christians we are told to help each other to grow in godliness, to become more like our perfect example, Jesus, and that will involve encouraging one another, supporting one another, helping one another, caring for one another, loving one another and at times, rebuking one another. It says in Galatians 6 v 1, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently”. As Christians, out of love for our brother or sister and out of obedience for the Lord, we have to gently rebuke a friend if they are doing something that is not pleasing to God.

Another thing that might be helpful is to look at what it says in 2 Timothy 4 v 3. It says, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather round them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.”  Note the words – “Instead to suit their own desires people gather around them people who say what their itching ears want to hear.”

When Brad Pitt moves to Liverpool (after his divorce to Angelina, of course) and we bump into each other as we walk along the road and he falls immediately in love with me and gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him I think there would be a moment in my head when I would want all my friends to say to me, “Do it Dawn. Marry him. Don’t worry about the fact that he’s not a Christian. You’ll be able to tell him about Jesus. After all God wants us to share the gospel with others”. There would be a moment when I would want all my friends to tell me it’s okay to marry Brad Pitt because for years I have thought he is lovely. It’s a very silly example but hopefully you see my point.  As far as I know Brad doesn’t love and trust Jesus as his Saviour. Therefore I should not marry him. But......it’s Brad Pitt!!!!

When we want something, when we desire something, then we will listen to those who say what we want to hear. And I think when someone desires to be married and a kind, funny, genuine, nice guy comes along, who seems great in every way the only thing is that he’s not a Christian, then they start to look for those around who will find ways to justify that relationship. And all Christians do this but with different areas of life. I remember a time when a Christian really upset me, one friend told me to just ignore her and don’t bother speaking to her again. Then another friend pointed out what God wanted me to do, “Do not let the sun go down on an argument” (Ephesians 4 v 26). The right thing for me to do was to sort it out. BUT deep down, if I’m honest, I wanted to take the first bit of advice, just ignore her and don’t bother speaking to her again. It was what my itching ears wanted to hear.

I am 100% certain that if I was to update my Facebook status tomorrow to tell you that I’d met a lovely man, who apart from not being a Christian, ticked all the ‘other boxes’ there would be loads of people who would be pleased for me. Who would tell me how great it was that I was dating someone. Who would say that I’d have an opportunity to take him to church and he’d hear about Jesus. And so on. There will always be those people.

We need to make sure we have those friends in our life who will not just tell us what our itching ears want to hear, but will care enough about us to say those hard things to us that our ears don’t want to hear.

Back to the original thought, “Maybe God has planned for you to date a non-Christian so that you can introduce Him to the Christian Faith.” Remember you can always introduce someone to the Christian Faith without dating them......